I sometimes really can't stand my parents! And honestly, who doesn't have a moment(s) like that? I love my parents dearly but I can't handle the stress they put on me. I have had a lot of homework lately AND finals are next week!!! All of the stress is suffocating me and I'm finding it hard to breathe and therefore, finding it difficult to function.
I feel like I should take a year off from university and my parents are definitely all for that too. It's just that I love university life! I love the independence, the lectures (except math) and I love seeing all of my friends! I especially love seeing and reconnecting with my friends who I haven't gotten together with in a long time, like my fellow BFF and blogger EmJo :). I am switching my major to linguistics and really want to pursue it.
My parents don't think I should stay in school because I need a break. I agree, but I want to be in school, I don't want to quit school and find a new job. I want to live without having to even think about getting a job for awhile. I have a crappy job and I definitely refuse to work there full-time. I would love to quit since I only work once a week, but I need money to do extracurricular activities, like going out to movies or coffee with friends. Also, I can't just apply anywhere else because they wouldn't take me since I can only work once a week.
I love being in choir at school. I definitely don't want to quit that. I'm thinking that maybe I should take a lighter course load. Instead of 4 intense courses, only take 3. I have talked plenty with my parents about this, but they don't seem approving of it. I want their support and they don't seem to want to lend it to me. I know it's good to make your own decisions, but I need the approval from other people to. I feel like I know myself and know what I want to do, but when it comes to decision making on tricky subjects I feel like I'm not sure of who I am and what I want to do. Then I look to others who know me to help me figure out my these difficult decisions.
My mom had this cool idea of me and my cousin moving to Fernie or Banff and working at the ski slopes. This would be really cool if it didn't cost so much. It doesn't cost a lot since I'd be working for the company(hypothetically) and living on the residence. But everything else is what costs. I don't have my own car, so I couldn't go driving around cities or take extra trips elsewhere. I can't even afford to own my own car with plates, insurance and gas. I can pay for gas, but I know my parents wouldn't buy me a car with the things I would need. At one point in my life, they almost did buy me a car. The only thing was that I had a bad attitude and lost my chance. I did cange my attitude later but my attitude definitely didn't change once they had told me that I was sooooo close to getting a car. It's like, thanks for letting me know that I didn't get it! I wasn't even expecting that! I never expected my parents to buy me a car because I live so close to school and work and we have 2 vehicles for our family to drive to work and school. I also didn't expect to ever get a car because I'm not extremely spoiled. Now, I'm not saying that I'm not spoiled, I'm just saying that I'm not THAT spoiled. I think that my parents have given me a great life full of opportunity and for some reason, as soon as grade 11 came by, life has been a struggle for the most part. I try to do my part, but it doesn't ever seem to be appreciated. And I know that I don't always put in the effort that is necessary, but sometimes people get tired. And maybe that is a valid reason to take a break. Should I stay or should I go?
Sorry about the depressing blog... Just really upset and confused :(
Friday, 2 December 2011
Sunday, 27 November 2011
Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road?
Well, this chicken didn't cross the road because they were too chicken!!! (I am talking about myself, FYI) I can't seem to cross the road without tripping or falling flat on my face, and then I get all awkward. I am very scared about "putting myself out there". I try, but I m really afraid of not saying the right thing, or saying what I think is right and then being criticized for saying it. This is why I think I have a hard time connecting with boys.
I have such a hard time not being awkward around guys that I meet and that I am sort of (or are) attracted to. I just get all insecure and start acting not totally myself because I'm trying to relate to them. I don't do it to win their heart, I just want to be open and let them know that I'm nice.
Now, being raised in a Christian home with a slight Mennonite background definitely did NOT help me at all! I'm so used to being really good friends with girls and not with boys. I did have a few friends who are boys when I was younger, but I didn't see them as anything else but friends because I didn't feel anything but friendship.
High school definitely was a shock to me. So many boys are friends with girls and vice versa. I did make a lot of new guy friends. I didn't hang out with any of them outside of school though. Eventually, I felt the want of a boyfriend. That's when I met "Jeff". And we became really good friends and then it became more.
During the time that Jeff and I dated, there was this guy who I found really attractive and he seemed really nice. We passed each other in the hall almost everyday and we took the same bus after school too. We would make eye contact often and we used to smile at each other. Now, I felt really bad because I was dating Jeff at the time, but things weren't going so well and I did not have intentions with this other guy. So, I really liked this other guy (obviously), but it's not like I could just break-up with Jeff and be like "Hey! I'm single, let's go out!"
Because that would be horrible! I felt really bad for this other guy though, when he saw me with Jeff and then he never looked and smiled at me again :(
A year later, I was going through the McDonald's drive-thru and this other guy...I'm just going to call him Mark.... Was at the window! I immediately started to blush and had a huge smile on my face when I saw him! And he smiled back at me and told me to have a good day :D I was extremely happy! :)
Anyways, I never saw him for the longest time and now that I am in university, there are plenty of boys!! Haha well, in my chemistry class I notice that one of my old friends, Jake, and I used to hang out with YEARS AGO, is friends with Mark. Mark and Jake are both in my chemistry class! Jake had a really "interesting" past. Jake is a ladies man and is a troublesome kid. We don't talk, since we haven't seen each other in years and have both moved on. But he's friends with Mark!!! And some of my other friends are friends with Mark too!!
I really like Mark even though I don't really know what he's like, but I just wish we could have a conversation, so I could end this craziness going on with me! The craziness is not being helped, since one of my really close friends recently went out on a date with him! :0 I totally support her because she's my friend and I don't want to hold her back because of my feelings because that's selfish and he chose her. But still!!! Im totally jealous and wish that was me on the date!! But that's life and sometimes things aren't meant to be. I just really want a companion, not for sexual desires eww! Haha, but I need a companion with less estrogen and more testosterone to talk to!
I guess, I feel like I'm leading a boy on when I'm really nice to them or we become good friends. That's why I think I get all awkward because I retract and I don't want to hurt them or make them feel like they've been played with. Guess I need to work on that!
Anyways......I have school tomorrow and seriously need to sleep or I am going to miss English class tomorrow! Thanks for reading! :)
I have such a hard time not being awkward around guys that I meet and that I am sort of (or are) attracted to. I just get all insecure and start acting not totally myself because I'm trying to relate to them. I don't do it to win their heart, I just want to be open and let them know that I'm nice.
Now, being raised in a Christian home with a slight Mennonite background definitely did NOT help me at all! I'm so used to being really good friends with girls and not with boys. I did have a few friends who are boys when I was younger, but I didn't see them as anything else but friends because I didn't feel anything but friendship.
High school definitely was a shock to me. So many boys are friends with girls and vice versa. I did make a lot of new guy friends. I didn't hang out with any of them outside of school though. Eventually, I felt the want of a boyfriend. That's when I met "Jeff". And we became really good friends and then it became more.
During the time that Jeff and I dated, there was this guy who I found really attractive and he seemed really nice. We passed each other in the hall almost everyday and we took the same bus after school too. We would make eye contact often and we used to smile at each other. Now, I felt really bad because I was dating Jeff at the time, but things weren't going so well and I did not have intentions with this other guy. So, I really liked this other guy (obviously), but it's not like I could just break-up with Jeff and be like "Hey! I'm single, let's go out!"
Because that would be horrible! I felt really bad for this other guy though, when he saw me with Jeff and then he never looked and smiled at me again :(
A year later, I was going through the McDonald's drive-thru and this other guy...I'm just going to call him Mark.... Was at the window! I immediately started to blush and had a huge smile on my face when I saw him! And he smiled back at me and told me to have a good day :D I was extremely happy! :)
Anyways, I never saw him for the longest time and now that I am in university, there are plenty of boys!! Haha well, in my chemistry class I notice that one of my old friends, Jake, and I used to hang out with YEARS AGO, is friends with Mark. Mark and Jake are both in my chemistry class! Jake had a really "interesting" past. Jake is a ladies man and is a troublesome kid. We don't talk, since we haven't seen each other in years and have both moved on. But he's friends with Mark!!! And some of my other friends are friends with Mark too!!
I really like Mark even though I don't really know what he's like, but I just wish we could have a conversation, so I could end this craziness going on with me! The craziness is not being helped, since one of my really close friends recently went out on a date with him! :0 I totally support her because she's my friend and I don't want to hold her back because of my feelings because that's selfish and he chose her. But still!!! Im totally jealous and wish that was me on the date!! But that's life and sometimes things aren't meant to be. I just really want a companion, not for sexual desires eww! Haha, but I need a companion with less estrogen and more testosterone to talk to!
I guess, I feel like I'm leading a boy on when I'm really nice to them or we become good friends. That's why I think I get all awkward because I retract and I don't want to hurt them or make them feel like they've been played with. Guess I need to work on that!
Anyways......I have school tomorrow and seriously need to sleep or I am going to miss English class tomorrow! Thanks for reading! :)
Monday, 25 July 2011
Blasted Bones!
Have you ever had a bone in a sandwich from the meat that's in it? Or a burger? I definitely have! It's disgusting and then you don't really feel like eating the sandwich anymore.
People can be an annoying bone in your sandwich that turns you off from the rest of the sandwich and puts you in a bad mood.
One thing I have never totally understood is why boys will flirt with you, text or message you, and then never do any of that again? (I guess this goes for girls too!)
Well, that guy who I talked about in my Flirting post, he's not an option anymore. He hasn't messaged me back at all and I saw him recently, and I got to know him more and I don't like him so much anymore. He acts kind of like that disgusting boy in elementary school who doesn't understand the words hygiene or sanitary or kindness or selflessness...
This guy, let's call him Jimbo, doesn't like to use a napkin when his fingers are messy from eating. Nope! He has to lick every single finger! And his fingers are always dirty! There's dirt in the nails and on the cuticles! And all he would ever talk about is how to get laid at a club and other annoying subjects that are just not appealing to talk about. Jimbo's not very nice either, he's kind of a jerk. I feel bad saying that, but he is... Jimbo isn't considerate of feelings at all, if you don't do what he wants you to do, he's not into you all of a sudden!
There's this other guy who I met though (we'll call him Derek), and he's really nice, considerate and not too shabby (if I do say so myself haha!). We've been texting a lot lately and things are going at a nice start. My sister even thinks he's great! The only thing that concerns me is that I recently found out that his Facebook relationship status says that he is in a relationship with blahdeeblah and it's confusing because the way he acts around me, makes him seem single. But he could have a girlfriend...I think I'm going to ask him sometime, just not sure when.....either way, he's a good friend to have!
Boys are weird, the internet is weird...even I'm weird! I mean who isn't weird?! As "normal" as people may seem, everyone has a weird side to them. Doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad thing though!
Question: How do you feel about having a close relationship with a guy who's got a girlfriend?
People can be an annoying bone in your sandwich that turns you off from the rest of the sandwich and puts you in a bad mood.
One thing I have never totally understood is why boys will flirt with you, text or message you, and then never do any of that again? (I guess this goes for girls too!)
Well, that guy who I talked about in my Flirting post, he's not an option anymore. He hasn't messaged me back at all and I saw him recently, and I got to know him more and I don't like him so much anymore. He acts kind of like that disgusting boy in elementary school who doesn't understand the words hygiene or sanitary or kindness or selflessness...
This guy, let's call him Jimbo, doesn't like to use a napkin when his fingers are messy from eating. Nope! He has to lick every single finger! And his fingers are always dirty! There's dirt in the nails and on the cuticles! And all he would ever talk about is how to get laid at a club and other annoying subjects that are just not appealing to talk about. Jimbo's not very nice either, he's kind of a jerk. I feel bad saying that, but he is... Jimbo isn't considerate of feelings at all, if you don't do what he wants you to do, he's not into you all of a sudden!
There's this other guy who I met though (we'll call him Derek), and he's really nice, considerate and not too shabby (if I do say so myself haha!). We've been texting a lot lately and things are going at a nice start. My sister even thinks he's great! The only thing that concerns me is that I recently found out that his Facebook relationship status says that he is in a relationship with blahdeeblah and it's confusing because the way he acts around me, makes him seem single. But he could have a girlfriend...I think I'm going to ask him sometime, just not sure when.....either way, he's a good friend to have!
Boys are weird, the internet is weird...even I'm weird! I mean who isn't weird?! As "normal" as people may seem, everyone has a weird side to them. Doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad thing though!
Question: How do you feel about having a close relationship with a guy who's got a girlfriend?
Sunday, 29 May 2011
Having Hair Has Hopeless Hereafter
Do you know what annoys me? People who can't show some respect. I know disrespect happens all the time and everywhere, but it's really annoying. Everyone is disrespectful sometimes, but it's the people who drive me crazy that almost never show respect.
Why do girls feel the need to shave or wax "down there"? I understand that it can get really hairy, but it's natural. Humans naturally grow hair almost all over their bodies, literally. I have many friends and among these many friends, most of them shave or wax that certain area. Some of my friends are sexually active, some are not. I am not sexually active and I don't want to shave down there. I have asked my friends about why they shave down there. Most of my friends say that they hate their hair down there because it itches. There are other reasons but they are much too inappropriate and I don't even want to talk about it. :P
Honestly, I grew with my "down there" hair and I'm so used to it because I haven't shaved or waxed it. I have trimmed it because it was getting too long. I admit, I am not fond of pubic hair, but we're born with it and why hate some part of yourself and try to get rid of it? After you shave or wax your area, the hair WILL grow back and when it grows back it WILL be prickly and then it's going to itch even more! That's just how it is. Plus, shaving that area is dangerous, you could cut yourself and razor cuts are like a huge paper cut and they sting worse. And as for waxing, it costs quite a bit of cha-ching to get it done a bunch of times, unless you want to do it yourself, which I wouldn't recommend. :S
Something that really bugs me about not shaving your pubic hair is, boys. So many boys in this world are totally grossed out if a girl doesn't shave her hair "down there". Like seriously?! Do they not understand that it is natural?!! IT'S JUST HAIR!!!! Everyone has pubic hair, so do boys!!! There are other boys though who are actually turned on by pubic hair. Crazy right?! But totally cool that they are accepting of it.
I'm not saying that you can't shave or wax your area, and I am not hating on boys haha I am just giving my opinion and hoping that you hold it in your memory so when you are making that waxing appointment or getting that razor, think of this post.
Thank you :) Happy and Safe Shaving and Waxing!
Why do girls feel the need to shave or wax "down there"? I understand that it can get really hairy, but it's natural. Humans naturally grow hair almost all over their bodies, literally. I have many friends and among these many friends, most of them shave or wax that certain area. Some of my friends are sexually active, some are not. I am not sexually active and I don't want to shave down there. I have asked my friends about why they shave down there. Most of my friends say that they hate their hair down there because it itches. There are other reasons but they are much too inappropriate and I don't even want to talk about it. :P
Honestly, I grew with my "down there" hair and I'm so used to it because I haven't shaved or waxed it. I have trimmed it because it was getting too long. I admit, I am not fond of pubic hair, but we're born with it and why hate some part of yourself and try to get rid of it? After you shave or wax your area, the hair WILL grow back and when it grows back it WILL be prickly and then it's going to itch even more! That's just how it is. Plus, shaving that area is dangerous, you could cut yourself and razor cuts are like a huge paper cut and they sting worse. And as for waxing, it costs quite a bit of cha-ching to get it done a bunch of times, unless you want to do it yourself, which I wouldn't recommend. :S
Something that really bugs me about not shaving your pubic hair is, boys. So many boys in this world are totally grossed out if a girl doesn't shave her hair "down there". Like seriously?! Do they not understand that it is natural?!! IT'S JUST HAIR!!!! Everyone has pubic hair, so do boys!!! There are other boys though who are actually turned on by pubic hair. Crazy right?! But totally cool that they are accepting of it.
I'm not saying that you can't shave or wax your area, and I am not hating on boys haha I am just giving my opinion and hoping that you hold it in your memory so when you are making that waxing appointment or getting that razor, think of this post.
Thank you :) Happy and Safe Shaving and Waxing!
Tuesday, 24 May 2011
Flirting? I haven't done that since....
It's weird being open to guys again. I found it really hard to let down my guard after a month of being single. I'm so used to being closed towards guys. It wasn't like I wouldn't talk to guys if they approached me it was just the flirting factor because I had a boyfriend and I would feel bad if I flirted with another guy.
My best friend and I went to see the movie "Thor" very recently and by the way that is an amazing movie! Especially for those of you who love outer space, Marvel, Lord of the Rings and Stargate Atlantis! The guy at the movie till was pretty decent. He was really friendly. I bought my ticket and a pack of Crazy Core Skittles. When I asked for the Skittles, the guy started making small talk with me about how he hasn't tried the Skittles and was telling me that he hopes I enjoy the movie, etc. haha It was joyfully surprising to me because I'm not used to being flirted with a lot and it was honestly kind of nice being able to flirt back. :P
This past May long weekend has helped me to open up a bit more to flirting. My sister brought me to an event for youth debate and I met a lot of people there. There is one guy who I'm interested in and he seemed pretty interested in me too. :) I'm not looking for a relationship right aways here, but it's kind of nice to have someone who you can flirt with for pure enjoyment. This guy is a year and a half-ish older than me, which is pretty good since I'm no longer going to be in high school after graduation and it's really not too much of a difference. He's really funny, nice and speaks French! Total bonus right there! Hahaha I think it's awesome that he can speak French! I don't know many people who speak French, so it's kind of exciting! My sister noticed the, (I feel really cheesy saying this!) "chemistry" between us. I sort of noticed it, but I 'm not too used to this whole flirting thing but I'll get the hang of it fairly soon I'm sure. My sister also noticed that he looked over at me a lot :) I kind of looked over at him too! I mean, it's hard to get your eyes off of people sometimes! Especially if they're attractive inside and out! He's seems like a really great guy and I hope that I can maybe get to know him more! We'll see!
Just wanted to share this with whoever reads my blog! To any of you who do, thank you! It means a lot that someone else in this world gets to read my blog and is enjoying it (hopefully)! Please leave any comments, ask questions and stuff! It would be really cool to get some feedback!
My best friend and I went to see the movie "Thor" very recently and by the way that is an amazing movie! Especially for those of you who love outer space, Marvel, Lord of the Rings and Stargate Atlantis! The guy at the movie till was pretty decent. He was really friendly. I bought my ticket and a pack of Crazy Core Skittles. When I asked for the Skittles, the guy started making small talk with me about how he hasn't tried the Skittles and was telling me that he hopes I enjoy the movie, etc. haha It was joyfully surprising to me because I'm not used to being flirted with a lot and it was honestly kind of nice being able to flirt back. :P
This past May long weekend has helped me to open up a bit more to flirting. My sister brought me to an event for youth debate and I met a lot of people there. There is one guy who I'm interested in and he seemed pretty interested in me too. :) I'm not looking for a relationship right aways here, but it's kind of nice to have someone who you can flirt with for pure enjoyment. This guy is a year and a half-ish older than me, which is pretty good since I'm no longer going to be in high school after graduation and it's really not too much of a difference. He's really funny, nice and speaks French! Total bonus right there! Hahaha I think it's awesome that he can speak French! I don't know many people who speak French, so it's kind of exciting! My sister noticed the, (I feel really cheesy saying this!) "chemistry" between us. I sort of noticed it, but I 'm not too used to this whole flirting thing but I'll get the hang of it fairly soon I'm sure. My sister also noticed that he looked over at me a lot :) I kind of looked over at him too! I mean, it's hard to get your eyes off of people sometimes! Especially if they're attractive inside and out! He's seems like a really great guy and I hope that I can maybe get to know him more! We'll see!
Just wanted to share this with whoever reads my blog! To any of you who do, thank you! It means a lot that someone else in this world gets to read my blog and is enjoying it (hopefully)! Please leave any comments, ask questions and stuff! It would be really cool to get some feedback!
Tuesday, 10 May 2011
Bacon and Boys: Part 2
I felt hijacked of love. I gave a lot in that relationship. As much as it was laid-back, it didn't always feel that way for me because I was the one always making the plans to hang out and all he had to do was pick me up. My plans weren't even huge, but for special occasions like our anniversary or Christmas I put more detail into. The one time, ONE TIME, he has to make plans for a fun or romantic (or both) evening, he doesn't make any. Now I don't need an elaborate plan, but I always made the decisions of where we went because he always wanted me to choose where to go. Now as much as it is nice to make the decisions, it gets tiring and boring to always be the one to decide. Some days I would ask Jeff "What would you like to do?" all I got was the regular coffee outing or "I dunno, what do you wanna do?" I would've even been fine with walking around a park or something, sheesh.
There is one thing for sure that I regret about not doing much in that relationship, talking about problems. Talking about problems is good because that means that you're both communicating and getting what needs to be out there. The day after the Valentine's "date", my mom noticed that I was still pretty depressed about the whole thing. So I wrote him an email:
I feel like you're going through hard times but you won't talk to me. It's hard to be in a relationship when you won't talk and you seem distant. I care about you, but you make it hard when you don't seem to put effort into our relationship. Please say something because it feels like you're not trying.
He has some serious issues with his family going on and I tried to be there for him, tried to get him to talk about it because it's good to talk to someone you can trust about it. I'm not saying that it's always the best to talk about it, but when you're disconnecting yourself from people who care about you, you can't just expect them to be fine with how you act around them if you're being depressed all the time. Jeff phoned me maybe a half hour after I had emailed him. He sounded like he thought that I was overreacting about the situation. I told him the email all over pretty much, but he was not giving any feedback, just "Yeah", "I'm sorry" and "Are you okay?". I was crying and it ticked me off that he wasn't giving me any reasonable response. I don't even think he was really listening to me which was more frustrating because it seemed like he wanted to fix it, but I guess he just didn't know what to do. Later in our conversation, we just made small talk and then ended on a good note for him. I wasn't satisfied at all and I felt bad for him because it was obvious that he was really nervous. We did discuss it more over text and we were both not too pleased, but we sort of solved it in the end. Jeff didn't even change his attitude or try talking much with me after we saw each other in person and confirmed things were fine. Things basically went downhill. I always felt bad giving him a kiss after school because I didn't mean it. Then one day he go the clue that we shouldn't kiss anymore which, as bad as this sounds, was really relieving for me and most likely him. And I'm not trashing him but he doesn't know how to use his lips.
April 1st was when we broke up and No, it was no joke. I was planning all week to find the right time to break it to him and apparently he was too. Now before you read, he is an amazing writer and person. This is just one of his many great writings. He emailed me:
I wanted to talk to you all week, but things happened and we were both busy. You and I have gotten too busy for each other and by the sound of it, we both have lost interest in our relationship. Especially after this month, I have things on my mind that don't help. I never lie when I say that I didn't have the time to hang out and I also feel guilty about it. I have new things starting in my life too, which means even less time for us, which is why I have to say this, so we both don't feel depressed. I want you to know that I'm still here as a friend and I'm still somebody you can talk to if you need that. I hope that nothing is weird between us because that would be a huge loss. After you read this, I hope you text me or something and we can talk about it if you want. I was going to say this to you in person, but I didn't see the time and place coming up, so I decided that it's time to stop pretending that our relationship is good, even though I didn't do so well doing that this week. I'm not saying that it was bad, I'm just telling you that I'm not putting you through this anymore. I hope you text me (since I can't speak clearly) soon and you can ask me anything you want. I'm sorry it has to be like this
I think that was one of the best emails I have ever gotten. I was never the busy one, he was really involved with wrestling and he had it everyday except Sundays and he had work, so I wanted to give him a break. I didn't want to make him use up all of his energy trying to fit me in his schedule when things were like this because it's overwhelming and we see each other at school too. Just because I gave him a break doesn't mean that I didn't text him, but he was never fun to be around when his energy was all spent. It was so nice to end our dating relationship on a mutual basis. It definitely made us happier. Good bacon=happiness. :)
There is one thing for sure that I regret about not doing much in that relationship, talking about problems. Talking about problems is good because that means that you're both communicating and getting what needs to be out there. The day after the Valentine's "date", my mom noticed that I was still pretty depressed about the whole thing. So I wrote him an email:
I feel like you're going through hard times but you won't talk to me. It's hard to be in a relationship when you won't talk and you seem distant. I care about you, but you make it hard when you don't seem to put effort into our relationship. Please say something because it feels like you're not trying.
He has some serious issues with his family going on and I tried to be there for him, tried to get him to talk about it because it's good to talk to someone you can trust about it. I'm not saying that it's always the best to talk about it, but when you're disconnecting yourself from people who care about you, you can't just expect them to be fine with how you act around them if you're being depressed all the time. Jeff phoned me maybe a half hour after I had emailed him. He sounded like he thought that I was overreacting about the situation. I told him the email all over pretty much, but he was not giving any feedback, just "Yeah", "I'm sorry" and "Are you okay?". I was crying and it ticked me off that he wasn't giving me any reasonable response. I don't even think he was really listening to me which was more frustrating because it seemed like he wanted to fix it, but I guess he just didn't know what to do. Later in our conversation, we just made small talk and then ended on a good note for him. I wasn't satisfied at all and I felt bad for him because it was obvious that he was really nervous. We did discuss it more over text and we were both not too pleased, but we sort of solved it in the end. Jeff didn't even change his attitude or try talking much with me after we saw each other in person and confirmed things were fine. Things basically went downhill. I always felt bad giving him a kiss after school because I didn't mean it. Then one day he go the clue that we shouldn't kiss anymore which, as bad as this sounds, was really relieving for me and most likely him. And I'm not trashing him but he doesn't know how to use his lips.
April 1st was when we broke up and No, it was no joke. I was planning all week to find the right time to break it to him and apparently he was too. Now before you read, he is an amazing writer and person. This is just one of his many great writings. He emailed me:
I wanted to talk to you all week, but things happened and we were both busy. You and I have gotten too busy for each other and by the sound of it, we both have lost interest in our relationship. Especially after this month, I have things on my mind that don't help. I never lie when I say that I didn't have the time to hang out and I also feel guilty about it. I have new things starting in my life too, which means even less time for us, which is why I have to say this, so we both don't feel depressed. I want you to know that I'm still here as a friend and I'm still somebody you can talk to if you need that. I hope that nothing is weird between us because that would be a huge loss. After you read this, I hope you text me or something and we can talk about it if you want. I was going to say this to you in person, but I didn't see the time and place coming up, so I decided that it's time to stop pretending that our relationship is good, even though I didn't do so well doing that this week. I'm not saying that it was bad, I'm just telling you that I'm not putting you through this anymore. I hope you text me (since I can't speak clearly) soon and you can ask me anything you want. I'm sorry it has to be like this
I think that was one of the best emails I have ever gotten. I was never the busy one, he was really involved with wrestling and he had it everyday except Sundays and he had work, so I wanted to give him a break. I didn't want to make him use up all of his energy trying to fit me in his schedule when things were like this because it's overwhelming and we see each other at school too. Just because I gave him a break doesn't mean that I didn't text him, but he was never fun to be around when his energy was all spent. It was so nice to end our dating relationship on a mutual basis. It definitely made us happier. Good bacon=happiness. :)
Sunday, 8 May 2011
Bacon and Boys: Part 1
I love bacon! I respect the people who don't, but seriously bacon is one of the greatest things ever! Aside from the fact that it is greasy and generally not very good for you, it's delicious. I love pork bacon the most, but I'll have turkey bacon every once and a while. I like my bacon crispy, not raw. It can't be too crispy though because then it doesn't taste right. I love eating bacon with maple syrup or regular pancake syrup poured on top when I'm craving sweets. If I'm in a salty mood, I use ketchup.
Boys are like bacon, some are really awesome and some not so awesome. Jeff, my fairly recent ex-boyfriend, was a really awesome piece of bacon. Ok, I'll stop with the bacon metaphors :P Well Jeff isn't his real name nor do I know any boy named Jeff. Jeff and I started officially dating about a little over 2 years ago now! We were extatic to be together, young and naïve. Jeff and I were and are truly good friends. We went to movies, hung out at each other's places, met each other's parents, the typical dating scenario. I was his first girlfriend and he was my first boyfriend. I have had another relationship with a good friend but it was never really on, we only made out once, he lives somewhere else but that doesn't matter at the moment. haha I swear I'm not a hormone crazy sult! (I meant to write it like that) Anyways! Jeff and I know a lot about each other and know probably most of each other's secrets. He is a really respectable person, I always felt privileged when he would open up and tell me stuff about him. I pretty much feel that with almost everyone, but with Jeff, it was different.
Jeff and I have so much in common, morals, sports (except wrestling), music, etc. We first broke-up 3 months after we started dating. I did the breaking up because I wasn't happy in the relationship nor was he. It was easy to tell we weren't connecting and I was the one with the guts to do it. I actually HAD to be the one with the guts to do it because I knew he didn't want to hurt me which was nice but when it comes to this stuff where you're both miserable, it's not nice. We got back together on his birthday that same year. I realized how much I had actually missed hanging out with him. Before we did get back together, it made me mad seeing him sometimes because he couldn't even look at me and say ''Hey'' or smile at me in the halls at school. Now I didn't expect him to look at me and be happy with me, but the fact he didn't even try to acknowledge me. I looked like the bad guy too! Jeff was pretty popular at our school and I came to that school only knowing one person. (Not Jeff, though) So of course I've made a good reputation for myself but I felt even around my family and friends that I was the bad guy for breaking us up. Everyone always told me how cute we were together and how we'd have the cutest kids if we got married. I agree with those things, but it's not fun being the bad guy. Now Jeff took the break-up REALLY hard, I felt awful because I couldn't say it to his face. This is going to sound TOTALLY lame but I broke-up with him over MSN Messenger.
It's not as bad as it sounds though! You can write as much as you want on MSN! Jeff and I ''chatted'' for a solid 30 minutes and we said what was needed to be said. Jeff is quiet and didn't always put in the effort needed to keep up the relationship. Now I know women bug men about this ALL the time, but I think that our relationship was really laid back because I didn't ask him for anything, except to pick me up when we went out. He didn't ask me for anything either. I always have had a hard time bringing up issues with him because he doesn't like to talk about issues because he doesn't want to change things about those issues. I think that it would've been helpful if I had brought up the issues that I wanted to talk about with him. I was always afraid to talk about issues with him because I didn't want him to be mad at me. I'm sure he wouldn't have because he's not an angry person and he's careful with how he treats me.
After we started to date again, things rose up to be really awesome! We had our 1 year anniversary and things seemed swell. Then things started to die down sort of like they had before. I waited 3 months to see improvement with his non-talkativeness and non-texting or calling me or saying at school ''Hey! Wanna hang out?'' Our second Valentine's Day pushed me over the edge. We weren't able to got out on Valentine's Day because he had wrestling practice. He has wrestling practice everyday except Sunday, which also created part of the issue. Since we couldn't go out then, I told him that he has to make the plans for the day that we can go out together. Well, we planned for the Friday of that week. As Friday got closer, I grew more and more anxious, knowing that he most likely hasn't even thought about it but also telling myself that he's going to pick up the attitude and he'll make plans. I asked him in Biology class what time he was going to pick me up at and the first thing he said was ''Uhh...I dunno, like 7?'' I was all ok, great! But in my head I was all oh siht! are you kidding me?
When Friday came around, I was all excited because we were finally going to go out and I was all dressed up and we get into his car when he picked me up and I asked "So, what are we doing?" Jeff said, "I dunno, what do you wanna do?" So it was clear that he actually hadn't made any plans which only surprised me a bit. So we went to the coffee shop that we normally went to and then we order our drinks and he's going to pay, like usual, and then he realizes that he forgot his wallet. Really?! I was so upset but I paid and things were fine. He didn't completely slip-up because he did buy me a necklace, from Wal-Mart :P, at least it's pretty. And a box full of cinnamon hearts. With a card. Now, Jeff is a sensitive guy so I don't want his feelings to be hurt, and I was really grateful for what he got me, yeah it's from Wal-Mart, but it's nice. I got him chocolates, a heart-felt card that I wrote an essay in. (Just a long note) And a big priced iTunes card. He felt bad that he didn't get me much but still, and I even felt bad for him. He dropped me off afterwards and once I walked into my house and told my mom and sister about it, it hurt later because I had finally realized how I had been hijacked. And I'm not talking about the gifts.
Boys are like bacon, some are really awesome and some not so awesome. Jeff, my fairly recent ex-boyfriend, was a really awesome piece of bacon. Ok, I'll stop with the bacon metaphors :P Well Jeff isn't his real name nor do I know any boy named Jeff. Jeff and I started officially dating about a little over 2 years ago now! We were extatic to be together, young and naïve. Jeff and I were and are truly good friends. We went to movies, hung out at each other's places, met each other's parents, the typical dating scenario. I was his first girlfriend and he was my first boyfriend. I have had another relationship with a good friend but it was never really on, we only made out once, he lives somewhere else but that doesn't matter at the moment. haha I swear I'm not a hormone crazy sult! (I meant to write it like that) Anyways! Jeff and I know a lot about each other and know probably most of each other's secrets. He is a really respectable person, I always felt privileged when he would open up and tell me stuff about him. I pretty much feel that with almost everyone, but with Jeff, it was different.
Jeff and I have so much in common, morals, sports (except wrestling), music, etc. We first broke-up 3 months after we started dating. I did the breaking up because I wasn't happy in the relationship nor was he. It was easy to tell we weren't connecting and I was the one with the guts to do it. I actually HAD to be the one with the guts to do it because I knew he didn't want to hurt me which was nice but when it comes to this stuff where you're both miserable, it's not nice. We got back together on his birthday that same year. I realized how much I had actually missed hanging out with him. Before we did get back together, it made me mad seeing him sometimes because he couldn't even look at me and say ''Hey'' or smile at me in the halls at school. Now I didn't expect him to look at me and be happy with me, but the fact he didn't even try to acknowledge me. I looked like the bad guy too! Jeff was pretty popular at our school and I came to that school only knowing one person. (Not Jeff, though) So of course I've made a good reputation for myself but I felt even around my family and friends that I was the bad guy for breaking us up. Everyone always told me how cute we were together and how we'd have the cutest kids if we got married. I agree with those things, but it's not fun being the bad guy. Now Jeff took the break-up REALLY hard, I felt awful because I couldn't say it to his face. This is going to sound TOTALLY lame but I broke-up with him over MSN Messenger.
It's not as bad as it sounds though! You can write as much as you want on MSN! Jeff and I ''chatted'' for a solid 30 minutes and we said what was needed to be said. Jeff is quiet and didn't always put in the effort needed to keep up the relationship. Now I know women bug men about this ALL the time, but I think that our relationship was really laid back because I didn't ask him for anything, except to pick me up when we went out. He didn't ask me for anything either. I always have had a hard time bringing up issues with him because he doesn't like to talk about issues because he doesn't want to change things about those issues. I think that it would've been helpful if I had brought up the issues that I wanted to talk about with him. I was always afraid to talk about issues with him because I didn't want him to be mad at me. I'm sure he wouldn't have because he's not an angry person and he's careful with how he treats me.
After we started to date again, things rose up to be really awesome! We had our 1 year anniversary and things seemed swell. Then things started to die down sort of like they had before. I waited 3 months to see improvement with his non-talkativeness and non-texting or calling me or saying at school ''Hey! Wanna hang out?'' Our second Valentine's Day pushed me over the edge. We weren't able to got out on Valentine's Day because he had wrestling practice. He has wrestling practice everyday except Sunday, which also created part of the issue. Since we couldn't go out then, I told him that he has to make the plans for the day that we can go out together. Well, we planned for the Friday of that week. As Friday got closer, I grew more and more anxious, knowing that he most likely hasn't even thought about it but also telling myself that he's going to pick up the attitude and he'll make plans. I asked him in Biology class what time he was going to pick me up at and the first thing he said was ''Uhh...I dunno, like 7?'' I was all ok, great! But in my head I was all oh siht! are you kidding me?
When Friday came around, I was all excited because we were finally going to go out and I was all dressed up and we get into his car when he picked me up and I asked "So, what are we doing?" Jeff said, "I dunno, what do you wanna do?" So it was clear that he actually hadn't made any plans which only surprised me a bit. So we went to the coffee shop that we normally went to and then we order our drinks and he's going to pay, like usual, and then he realizes that he forgot his wallet. Really?! I was so upset but I paid and things were fine. He didn't completely slip-up because he did buy me a necklace, from Wal-Mart :P, at least it's pretty. And a box full of cinnamon hearts. With a card. Now, Jeff is a sensitive guy so I don't want his feelings to be hurt, and I was really grateful for what he got me, yeah it's from Wal-Mart, but it's nice. I got him chocolates, a heart-felt card that I wrote an essay in. (Just a long note) And a big priced iTunes card. He felt bad that he didn't get me much but still, and I even felt bad for him. He dropped me off afterwards and once I walked into my house and told my mom and sister about it, it hurt later because I had finally realized how I had been hijacked. And I'm not talking about the gifts.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)