I felt hijacked of love. I gave a lot in that relationship. As much as it was laid-back, it didn't always feel that way for me because I was the one always making the plans to hang out and all he had to do was pick me up. My plans weren't even huge, but for special occasions like our anniversary or Christmas I put more detail into. The one time, ONE TIME, he has to make plans for a fun or romantic (or both) evening, he doesn't make any. Now I don't need an elaborate plan, but I always made the decisions of where we went because he always wanted me to choose where to go. Now as much as it is nice to make the decisions, it gets tiring and boring to always be the one to decide. Some days I would ask Jeff "What would you like to do?" all I got was the regular coffee outing or "I dunno, what do you wanna do?" I would've even been fine with walking around a park or something, sheesh.
There is one thing for sure that I regret about not doing much in that relationship, talking about problems. Talking about problems is good because that means that you're both communicating and getting what needs to be out there. The day after the Valentine's "date", my mom noticed that I was still pretty depressed about the whole thing. So I wrote him an email:
I feel like you're going through hard times but you won't talk to me. It's hard to be in a relationship when you won't talk and you seem distant. I care about you, but you make it hard when you don't seem to put effort into our relationship. Please say something because it feels like you're not trying.
He has some serious issues with his family going on and I tried to be there for him, tried to get him to talk about it because it's good to talk to someone you can trust about it. I'm not saying that it's always the best to talk about it, but when you're disconnecting yourself from people who care about you, you can't just expect them to be fine with how you act around them if you're being depressed all the time. Jeff phoned me maybe a half hour after I had emailed him. He sounded like he thought that I was overreacting about the situation. I told him the email all over pretty much, but he was not giving any feedback, just "Yeah", "I'm sorry" and "Are you okay?". I was crying and it ticked me off that he wasn't giving me any reasonable response. I don't even think he was really listening to me which was more frustrating because it seemed like he wanted to fix it, but I guess he just didn't know what to do. Later in our conversation, we just made small talk and then ended on a good note for him. I wasn't satisfied at all and I felt bad for him because it was obvious that he was really nervous. We did discuss it more over text and we were both not too pleased, but we sort of solved it in the end. Jeff didn't even change his attitude or try talking much with me after we saw each other in person and confirmed things were fine. Things basically went downhill. I always felt bad giving him a kiss after school because I didn't mean it. Then one day he go the clue that we shouldn't kiss anymore which, as bad as this sounds, was really relieving for me and most likely him. And I'm not trashing him but he doesn't know how to use his lips.
April 1st was when we broke up and No, it was no joke. I was planning all week to find the right time to break it to him and apparently he was too. Now before you read, he is an amazing writer and person. This is just one of his many great writings. He emailed me:
I wanted to talk to you all week, but things happened and we were both busy. You and I have gotten too busy for each other and by the sound of it, we both have lost interest in our relationship. Especially after this month, I have things on my mind that don't help. I never lie when I say that I didn't have the time to hang out and I also feel guilty about it. I have new things starting in my life too, which means even less time for us, which is why I have to say this, so we both don't feel depressed. I want you to know that I'm still here as a friend and I'm still somebody you can talk to if you need that. I hope that nothing is weird between us because that would be a huge loss. After you read this, I hope you text me or something and we can talk about it if you want. I was going to say this to you in person, but I didn't see the time and place coming up, so I decided that it's time to stop pretending that our relationship is good, even though I didn't do so well doing that this week. I'm not saying that it was bad, I'm just telling you that I'm not putting you through this anymore. I hope you text me (since I can't speak clearly) soon and you can ask me anything you want. I'm sorry it has to be like this
I think that was one of the best emails I have ever gotten. I was never the busy one, he was really involved with wrestling and he had it everyday except Sundays and he had work, so I wanted to give him a break. I didn't want to make him use up all of his energy trying to fit me in his schedule when things were like this because it's overwhelming and we see each other at school too. Just because I gave him a break doesn't mean that I didn't text him, but he was never fun to be around when his energy was all spent. It was so nice to end our dating relationship on a mutual basis. It definitely made us happier. Good bacon=happiness. :)
There is one thing for sure that I regret about not doing much in that relationship, talking about problems. Talking about problems is good because that means that you're both communicating and getting what needs to be out there. The day after the Valentine's "date", my mom noticed that I was still pretty depressed about the whole thing. So I wrote him an email:
I feel like you're going through hard times but you won't talk to me. It's hard to be in a relationship when you won't talk and you seem distant. I care about you, but you make it hard when you don't seem to put effort into our relationship. Please say something because it feels like you're not trying.
He has some serious issues with his family going on and I tried to be there for him, tried to get him to talk about it because it's good to talk to someone you can trust about it. I'm not saying that it's always the best to talk about it, but when you're disconnecting yourself from people who care about you, you can't just expect them to be fine with how you act around them if you're being depressed all the time. Jeff phoned me maybe a half hour after I had emailed him. He sounded like he thought that I was overreacting about the situation. I told him the email all over pretty much, but he was not giving any feedback, just "Yeah", "I'm sorry" and "Are you okay?". I was crying and it ticked me off that he wasn't giving me any reasonable response. I don't even think he was really listening to me which was more frustrating because it seemed like he wanted to fix it, but I guess he just didn't know what to do. Later in our conversation, we just made small talk and then ended on a good note for him. I wasn't satisfied at all and I felt bad for him because it was obvious that he was really nervous. We did discuss it more over text and we were both not too pleased, but we sort of solved it in the end. Jeff didn't even change his attitude or try talking much with me after we saw each other in person and confirmed things were fine. Things basically went downhill. I always felt bad giving him a kiss after school because I didn't mean it. Then one day he go the clue that we shouldn't kiss anymore which, as bad as this sounds, was really relieving for me and most likely him. And I'm not trashing him but he doesn't know how to use his lips.
April 1st was when we broke up and No, it was no joke. I was planning all week to find the right time to break it to him and apparently he was too. Now before you read, he is an amazing writer and person. This is just one of his many great writings. He emailed me:
I wanted to talk to you all week, but things happened and we were both busy. You and I have gotten too busy for each other and by the sound of it, we both have lost interest in our relationship. Especially after this month, I have things on my mind that don't help. I never lie when I say that I didn't have the time to hang out and I also feel guilty about it. I have new things starting in my life too, which means even less time for us, which is why I have to say this, so we both don't feel depressed. I want you to know that I'm still here as a friend and I'm still somebody you can talk to if you need that. I hope that nothing is weird between us because that would be a huge loss. After you read this, I hope you text me or something and we can talk about it if you want. I was going to say this to you in person, but I didn't see the time and place coming up, so I decided that it's time to stop pretending that our relationship is good, even though I didn't do so well doing that this week. I'm not saying that it was bad, I'm just telling you that I'm not putting you through this anymore. I hope you text me (since I can't speak clearly) soon and you can ask me anything you want. I'm sorry it has to be like this
I think that was one of the best emails I have ever gotten. I was never the busy one, he was really involved with wrestling and he had it everyday except Sundays and he had work, so I wanted to give him a break. I didn't want to make him use up all of his energy trying to fit me in his schedule when things were like this because it's overwhelming and we see each other at school too. Just because I gave him a break doesn't mean that I didn't text him, but he was never fun to be around when his energy was all spent. It was so nice to end our dating relationship on a mutual basis. It definitely made us happier. Good bacon=happiness. :)
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