I sometimes really can't stand my parents! And honestly, who doesn't have a moment(s) like that? I love my parents dearly but I can't handle the stress they put on me. I have had a lot of homework lately AND finals are next week!!! All of the stress is suffocating me and I'm finding it hard to breathe and therefore, finding it difficult to function.
I feel like I should take a year off from university and my parents are definitely all for that too. It's just that I love university life! I love the independence, the lectures (except math) and I love seeing all of my friends! I especially love seeing and reconnecting with my friends who I haven't gotten together with in a long time, like my fellow BFF and blogger EmJo :). I am switching my major to linguistics and really want to pursue it.
My parents don't think I should stay in school because I need a break. I agree, but I want to be in school, I don't want to quit school and find a new job. I want to live without having to even think about getting a job for awhile. I have a crappy job and I definitely refuse to work there full-time. I would love to quit since I only work once a week, but I need money to do extracurricular activities, like going out to movies or coffee with friends. Also, I can't just apply anywhere else because they wouldn't take me since I can only work once a week.
I love being in choir at school. I definitely don't want to quit that. I'm thinking that maybe I should take a lighter course load. Instead of 4 intense courses, only take 3. I have talked plenty with my parents about this, but they don't seem approving of it. I want their support and they don't seem to want to lend it to me. I know it's good to make your own decisions, but I need the approval from other people to. I feel like I know myself and know what I want to do, but when it comes to decision making on tricky subjects I feel like I'm not sure of who I am and what I want to do. Then I look to others who know me to help me figure out my these difficult decisions.
My mom had this cool idea of me and my cousin moving to Fernie or Banff and working at the ski slopes. This would be really cool if it didn't cost so much. It doesn't cost a lot since I'd be working for the company(hypothetically) and living on the residence. But everything else is what costs. I don't have my own car, so I couldn't go driving around cities or take extra trips elsewhere. I can't even afford to own my own car with plates, insurance and gas. I can pay for gas, but I know my parents wouldn't buy me a car with the things I would need. At one point in my life, they almost did buy me a car. The only thing was that I had a bad attitude and lost my chance. I did cange my attitude later but my attitude definitely didn't change once they had told me that I was sooooo close to getting a car. It's like, thanks for letting me know that I didn't get it! I wasn't even expecting that! I never expected my parents to buy me a car because I live so close to school and work and we have 2 vehicles for our family to drive to work and school. I also didn't expect to ever get a car because I'm not extremely spoiled. Now, I'm not saying that I'm not spoiled, I'm just saying that I'm not THAT spoiled. I think that my parents have given me a great life full of opportunity and for some reason, as soon as grade 11 came by, life has been a struggle for the most part. I try to do my part, but it doesn't ever seem to be appreciated. And I know that I don't always put in the effort that is necessary, but sometimes people get tired. And maybe that is a valid reason to take a break. Should I stay or should I go?
Sorry about the depressing blog... Just really upset and confused :(
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