Well, this chicken didn't cross the road because they were too chicken!!! (I am talking about myself, FYI) I can't seem to cross the road without tripping or falling flat on my face, and then I get all awkward. I am very scared about "putting myself out there". I try, but I m really afraid of not saying the right thing, or saying what I think is right and then being criticized for saying it. This is why I think I have a hard time connecting with boys.
I have such a hard time not being awkward around guys that I meet and that I am sort of (or are) attracted to. I just get all insecure and start acting not totally myself because I'm trying to relate to them. I don't do it to win their heart, I just want to be open and let them know that I'm nice.
Now, being raised in a Christian home with a slight Mennonite background definitely did NOT help me at all! I'm so used to being really good friends with girls and not with boys. I did have a few friends who are boys when I was younger, but I didn't see them as anything else but friends because I didn't feel anything but friendship.
High school definitely was a shock to me. So many boys are friends with girls and vice versa. I did make a lot of new guy friends. I didn't hang out with any of them outside of school though. Eventually, I felt the want of a boyfriend. That's when I met "Jeff". And we became really good friends and then it became more.
During the time that Jeff and I dated, there was this guy who I found really attractive and he seemed really nice. We passed each other in the hall almost everyday and we took the same bus after school too. We would make eye contact often and we used to smile at each other. Now, I felt really bad because I was dating Jeff at the time, but things weren't going so well and I did not have intentions with this other guy. So, I really liked this other guy (obviously), but it's not like I could just break-up with Jeff and be like "Hey! I'm single, let's go out!"
Because that would be horrible! I felt really bad for this other guy though, when he saw me with Jeff and then he never looked and smiled at me again :(
A year later, I was going through the McDonald's drive-thru and this other guy...I'm just going to call him Mark.... Was at the window! I immediately started to blush and had a huge smile on my face when I saw him! And he smiled back at me and told me to have a good day :D I was extremely happy! :)
Anyways, I never saw him for the longest time and now that I am in university, there are plenty of boys!! Haha well, in my chemistry class I notice that one of my old friends, Jake, and I used to hang out with YEARS AGO, is friends with Mark. Mark and Jake are both in my chemistry class! Jake had a really "interesting" past. Jake is a ladies man and is a troublesome kid. We don't talk, since we haven't seen each other in years and have both moved on. But he's friends with Mark!!! And some of my other friends are friends with Mark too!!
I really like Mark even though I don't really know what he's like, but I just wish we could have a conversation, so I could end this craziness going on with me! The craziness is not being helped, since one of my really close friends recently went out on a date with him! :0 I totally support her because she's my friend and I don't want to hold her back because of my feelings because that's selfish and he chose her. But still!!! Im totally jealous and wish that was me on the date!! But that's life and sometimes things aren't meant to be. I just really want a companion, not for sexual desires eww! Haha, but I need a companion with less estrogen and more testosterone to talk to!
I guess, I feel like I'm leading a boy on when I'm really nice to them or we become good friends. That's why I think I get all awkward because I retract and I don't want to hurt them or make them feel like they've been played with. Guess I need to work on that!
Anyways......I have school tomorrow and seriously need to sleep or I am going to miss English class tomorrow! Thanks for reading! :)
I have such a hard time not being awkward around guys that I meet and that I am sort of (or are) attracted to. I just get all insecure and start acting not totally myself because I'm trying to relate to them. I don't do it to win their heart, I just want to be open and let them know that I'm nice.
Now, being raised in a Christian home with a slight Mennonite background definitely did NOT help me at all! I'm so used to being really good friends with girls and not with boys. I did have a few friends who are boys when I was younger, but I didn't see them as anything else but friends because I didn't feel anything but friendship.
High school definitely was a shock to me. So many boys are friends with girls and vice versa. I did make a lot of new guy friends. I didn't hang out with any of them outside of school though. Eventually, I felt the want of a boyfriend. That's when I met "Jeff". And we became really good friends and then it became more.
During the time that Jeff and I dated, there was this guy who I found really attractive and he seemed really nice. We passed each other in the hall almost everyday and we took the same bus after school too. We would make eye contact often and we used to smile at each other. Now, I felt really bad because I was dating Jeff at the time, but things weren't going so well and I did not have intentions with this other guy. So, I really liked this other guy (obviously), but it's not like I could just break-up with Jeff and be like "Hey! I'm single, let's go out!"
Because that would be horrible! I felt really bad for this other guy though, when he saw me with Jeff and then he never looked and smiled at me again :(
A year later, I was going through the McDonald's drive-thru and this other guy...I'm just going to call him Mark.... Was at the window! I immediately started to blush and had a huge smile on my face when I saw him! And he smiled back at me and told me to have a good day :D I was extremely happy! :)
Anyways, I never saw him for the longest time and now that I am in university, there are plenty of boys!! Haha well, in my chemistry class I notice that one of my old friends, Jake, and I used to hang out with YEARS AGO, is friends with Mark. Mark and Jake are both in my chemistry class! Jake had a really "interesting" past. Jake is a ladies man and is a troublesome kid. We don't talk, since we haven't seen each other in years and have both moved on. But he's friends with Mark!!! And some of my other friends are friends with Mark too!!
I really like Mark even though I don't really know what he's like, but I just wish we could have a conversation, so I could end this craziness going on with me! The craziness is not being helped, since one of my really close friends recently went out on a date with him! :0 I totally support her because she's my friend and I don't want to hold her back because of my feelings because that's selfish and he chose her. But still!!! Im totally jealous and wish that was me on the date!! But that's life and sometimes things aren't meant to be. I just really want a companion, not for sexual desires eww! Haha, but I need a companion with less estrogen and more testosterone to talk to!
I guess, I feel like I'm leading a boy on when I'm really nice to them or we become good friends. That's why I think I get all awkward because I retract and I don't want to hurt them or make them feel like they've been played with. Guess I need to work on that!
Anyways......I have school tomorrow and seriously need to sleep or I am going to miss English class tomorrow! Thanks for reading! :)
